Saturday, September 24, 2011

[I feel like] This is long overdue.

My dear readers: I am so sorry for such a delay in posting Dandygrams.  Life has really been delivering for the last two months.  Nevertheless, I presently have a few minutes to catch my breath and write (along with sincere encouragement from Janou), so I would like to address a few things that have been on my mind lately.  Here it goes..

First and foremost, let's get something very clear: there is a significant difference between a compliment and flattery.  To be sure, it took me years to really get this figured out, but I have learned.  I would like to give a lot of credit to my dear friend Megha for explaining it to me so eloquently.  

Here's the deal (gentlemen and aspiring Dandies take note): Flattery is not a compliment, and there is a very important distinction between flattery and compliments.  Compliments are sincere and well-deserved.  Flattery, by definition, is "excessive and insincere praise, especially that given to further one's own interests."  An example here would be good:  You have beautiful eyes.  Wow.  Good line sweet talker!  I mean, if you want the pretty lady to say, "I'm so flattered," then you've done well.  If you want her to say thank you, compliment her on something in her control:  You look beautiful tonight (or) That is an amazing dress.  These are the type of things women have in their control.  

As Megha would explain, our parents and genetic code give us our eyes, so we really have no choice in the matter or how they look.  Our style or our appearance, however, is something we control and this deserves admiration.  So gentlemen, bite your tongues for a second and think of a better line that would compliment women because it means so much more than flattery.  Not only that, compliments don't come across as cheesy, and of course, women know the difference.

Now to the second thing that's been on my mind, and this one shoots to the core of so much that is being said in conversation these days.  I've blogged before about how certain aspects of my generation have encompassed the ability for many to communicate effectively, such as the way text messaging has shortened our sentences and abbreviated our feelings or how nobody sends postcards, writes letters or mail thank you cards anymore.  Well, here's yet another downfall to our communication abilities and it's stacked right up there with the rest of them.  

[I feel like] people should know about this.  [I feel like] it's important to share.  [I feel like] there are a lot people always saying 'I feel like' for no good reason at all.

I have no doubt you are each rapidly catching on to my observation since 'I feel like' is EVERYWHERE, but WHY?  That dumb prefacing phrase has no real purpose in conversation.  It's simply a subtle way to insert indetermination.  As if our generation doesn't have enough of that already.  Basically, it is just more indecision for my already indecisive generation.  

Here's my suggestion: just get your feelings and opinions out there without fear you might be wrong, judged or questioned for what you're saying.  While those things do happen and sometimes we get called on misspeaking or improperly verbalizing our ideas, we're humans and humans are prone to error.  Whenever 'I feel like' is said, it's just a way of interject a prepositional phrase to what you are already going to say, which is based on what you feel and the listener is obviously aware of this once you say it.  

That said, it's now time to go out and PLAY!

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